What you need to know.

Are you serious men?

Are you serious women?

So, I've been thinking.

An Internet argument and a youtube video have both been getting me thinking about the men vs. women mentality when it comes to relationships. Kinda lame, but I promise I've thought about it a lot before now.

I think it's about time I wrote a blog post explaining my thoughts on some of these men and women issues, instead of just trying to talk about it and getting interrupted by people who are rude when they're upset.

This is what is near and dear to my heart at the moment: interactions between men and women when at least one of them is romantically interested in the other. All that heartbreak, he-said-she-said, flirting stuff.

I'm not the expert, but here is what I've learned on this subject.

Men, here's what you need to know:

• Yes, I'm going to talk about the friend zone. In my opinion, the friend zone is nothing to be feared. This is going to stink for some guys out there, but some women simply like having a male friend to enjoy and confide in without having to worry about the messiness of being in a relationship with them. It's comforting. That's the way some women are. If you're a nice person, there are going to be lots of women like this. And that's OK! They may not really be right for you, and if they are right for you, you need to trust that they'll see it, too. But worrying about it might end up ruining a friendship that would never be a relationship. I've made that mistake enough to know that some male-female friendships would not work as relationships even if it seems so much like it would.
• If she's not into you, she's not into you. If you're asking yourself "Does she like me?" a lot, she probably doesn't. If girls like you, they will find a way into your life. You will notice them. Some of them even follow you around, a bit. Some of the more mature ones will be more subtle, but you'll still notice the change in behavior. Unless you're really dense. Chances are, if talking to them is definitely not a one-sided endeavor (they start conversation with you as much as you start conversation with them), and you're not in the friend zone (see above), they might, might like you.
• In the name of King Elessar II, if a woman hurts your feelings, grow up and move on. Getting angry and blaming women for "making you a jerk" is a sorry excuse for throwing away your manhood. Yes, that's what you're doing if you retaliate in any way other than throwing up your hands and saying "Oh well!" and moving on. You're becoming a little boy. Grow up so the rest of us real men don't look so stupid.
• May I reiterate - don't get mad and don't push anything. Most women who put men in the friend zone don't know it. And if they do know, they may like this friend so much that they don't know what to do and just want to save the friendship. If you push her, though, she will either break off the friendship, or she will give in and you will end up in a relationship that is doomed to fail.

Women, here's what you need to know:

• Men aren't complicated. In fact, they're very simple. That's why they confuse you! Because you are such a complicated creature, you expect men to be complicated too...and they're not.
• Every time you confide in a man emotionally, you are running the risk of sending him the wrong messages. Most men like this and see it as an intentional deepening of the relationship. You, on the other hand, may just really want a friend to talk to. If you are worried about sending a male friend the wrong message, suck it up and be quiet, and wait until you can talk to a girlfriend. Do the right thing for the both of you.
• Most men aren't impressed with a woman who tries to be what she is not. I find that most often the women who attract lots of men are women who are radically themselves. In my experience men like a "multi-faceted" woman who doesn't have just one side to herself, and is also willing to share them.
• If he doesn't like you, he'll probably avoid you if you're being aggressive/sending strong messages. Unless you're a friend. Even then, he might still avoid you. If he's brave, maybe he'll tell you...very plainly. Maybe. Hopefully he's not rude, but if he is, he won't be the first.

That's what I know, so far. Others may disagree, but this is the truth as far as I can tell. Hope it helps.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for peace in knowledge of one another.

Trust issues, and the best of the best!

By human standards it would be reasonable to expect me to doubt the world around me.

I suppose I have to talk about my life a bit here. The one person in my family I was closest to died a little over 5 years ago (my mother) and many of the people I've been closest to since then have been more than a little misleading...many of them romantic interests which I've come to realize that it was a blessing things didn't work out.

Regardless, I find it hard to trust God sometimes, even when he's working wonderful things into my life. Sometimes, especially where friendships are concerned, I find it easy to panic just because of a small thing. The tiniest change in behavior for the worst in someone, even something so little as being a tad quieter than normal, can make me nervous. Even one little text message that doesn't receive a response can set me on edge. Did I say something wrong? Did they read it? Did I bother them? I've let the people who have been untrustworthy in my life ruin my trust for God, which is not acceptable...and I think now that I've realized it, I can end it. That's a promise, God!

We all have some growing up to do. I hope it doesn't sound judgmental for me to say some people have a little more growing up to do than others. I'm really bothered by the actions of people around me sometimes. There is a particular person I know who I once had a great deal of admiration for who I no longer have almost any at all. This person has/had the potential to become a beautiful person but now treats me, at least, with a great deal of disrespect. I will always love this particular person, but I no longer like them, and probably never will again.

On a nice note, though, I think the reason I have such low tolerance for their new attitude is because I have met, only a few weeks ago, a group of people whom I have quickly grown to love and admire. They are, quite simply, some of the best people I've ever met! I'm not exactly sure why things have happened the way they have, but I'm glad. So glad. This is all God's doing...everything good is, but in this case it's remarkably apparent. I have no words for how much I love them!

There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that trust given was trust kept.

A life of irony.

Everything seems so far away in the middle of the night.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about staying up late with friends or something like that. I'm talking about times like last night, where I got up in the middle of the night to do my scheduled holy hour. My church does a 23-hour adoration where people can sign up to take slots so that there are always at least two people with Jesus. Silly me, I signed up for the 3 AM slot. But there's something about it that's so strange. It's like a waking dream, where it's just you and your thoughts, and everything else...anxieties, plans, the future, the past...they all seem so far away. Then when you go back to sleep and wake up in the morning, everything is back to normal. Even though you were awake only a few hours before for a whole hour, it seems like it was ages ago...like a dream you had last week.

It's times like those, where everything is just like a dream, that I can really reflect. My reflections lately have come to the conclusion that my life is a giant string of ironies.

Sometimes I feel like I'm caught in a loop. Things in my life seem to happen over and over again, except slightly different, and sometimes at the same time of year. The funny thing about November is that ever since college started, and perhaps longer, it has been the month that some girl or other burned me. Or broke my heart, if you want to be melodramatic about it. So far though, it hasn't happened this month...well, at least not like it usually happens.

Even more ironic, though, is the fact that this time just a year ago, one of those heartbreaks transformed my life. It was the wake-up call I needed to begin pursuing a God-centered life again...to decide what I want from life, how I'm going to get it, and who is going to come with me. Now, the theme repeats itself. I am deciding almost the very same things right now...in fact, I may have already made my choice. Yet the choices are different...much more exciting. God has a sense of humor, in that the decisions I'm making now are the evolutions of the decisions I made a year ago. Instead of deciding how I'm going to follow Christ, I'm deciding what vocation I could BEST serve Christ in. Instead of deciding how I'm going to cope with the sadness I felt, I'm deciding how I'm going to channel the joy I feel. And instead of deciding what friends I'm going to take with me through my life, I'm deciding...well, I'll keep that a secret for now. :)

It just goes to show God has a sense of humor.

There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that we could always be open to God's call.