Wednesday, August 31, 2011

On lukewarmness of faith.

I was once a lukewarm Catholic from a family of lukewarm Catholics.

I really don't care if any of them end up reading this. I just hope it does some good to expose the utter failure in logic, yes, LOGIC, of being culturally Catholic and nothing else.

Our faith cannot be simply something we kinda do sometimes to get holy points and feel like a good person. If Jesus is who he said he is, we must give our whole lives to him! If someone comes and claims they are God and that we must follow him and we say we believe it...then we must become radically devoted to this person and do everything in our power to live a life He would be proud of. And if you asked any lukewarm Catholic, I'm sure they'd nod and say quite softly because you've made them "uncomfortable" that you asked, that they agree that Jesus IS that man.

However, if our faith really is just something we kinda hold true to sometimes and do this whole mass thing that we don't understand or really seem to care about or be all that into, which lukewarm Catholics profess by their actions, then Jesus cannot be God. God is everything. He created everything, He created us, and He calls us to Him. If that's all there is, then Jesus is not God. And if Jesus is not God, there is no God. And that's the conclusion I logically reached, once upon a time. But that's a long story.

I wish the hypocrisy and idiocy of lukewarmness of faith would end. It makes me sick.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for a fiery faith.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Male friendships versus female friendships.

I am not strictly speaking about how men and women conduct friendships differently in this post, nor am I going to say one is better than the other. This post is about how my own friendships with men and conversely with women are different.

I suppose I must say I have the rare pleasure of having an even amount of male and female friends. How this happened, I suppose I don't rightly know, but I really enjoy and appreciate it.

Having said this, I notice that the way I am friends with men versus with women is a lot different. The first thing that comes to mind is that I can be a lot more sentimental with my female friends. Women really appreciate the memories and the bonds of friendships much more than my male friends. For instance, when I smile and say "You're a really great friend, Jane," she is likely to think of fond memories of our friendship and, hopefully, agree that we have had a beautiful friendship. However, when I say "You're a really great friend, John," John is much more likely to think I'm being pretty obvious (assuming we are good friends) and just trying to be nice and complimentary.

My male friends are much better than my female friends at making a highly intellectual conversation. That is by no means to say my female friends are stupid! What I mean is that our conversations are much more intellectually appealing and centered on experiences we share and conclusions about such things, and our own thoughts and opinions.

My female friends can do much the same way with me, however, it is much more emotionally appealing. We might talk just as the men about experiences and conclusions, but the result is more about solutions and comfort in having experienced that. The sharing of the experience is almost an end in itself, instead of the formation of opinions as is more common with my fellow males.

I have someone that I can go to for just about anything. That is not to say my friends are only good for utility, but I want to express how fortunate I am.

Thank you friends!

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for the blessing of friends.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Real love.

I am so in love.

You would think that by now, after 8 months of dating, I would think this is obvious, but it's not. Really not.

My girlfriend is a very special creature. She is intelligent, creative, generous, kind and beautiful. She is really wonderful to me. And I can't believe how long it took me to really understand that.

See, when I thought a relationship would be good, I thought it would be easy at least most of the time. What I found out lately is that good relationships, truly good ones, are the HARDEST. It's been a really difficult 8 months.

I think I discovered that what kept me bonded to her is the realization that she really, truly, is good for me and loves me in a way that no one else can. I can't discern her by asking "what if?" but I can by asking "why not?" I am a selfish person and have selfish desires for my girlfriend. I want her to talk to me in certain ways and accept all the imperfections I have. But what I really need is to learn to let simple things go and really know that I am loved for who I am AND for who I could be if I could just simply let go of my own desires and appreciate what I have in my girlfriend.

It's a conversion, you see. I wanted to hang on to who I was. But She has given me the realization that I could be someone else who was greater...and she was the key. And not only that, I realized it was actually pretty fun. It was only wearisome because I wished to refuse her. But now I understand her qualities are not only good but endearing her to me. They are what I really want. A sinner loves his vices and hates virtue, while a saint hates his vices and loves virtue. A selfish lover only loves those who please him and hates those who call him to more, while a true lover loves everyone but especially those who call them to become better lovers.

My girlfriend is a true lover, and she's converting me.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for true love.