Thursday, August 25, 2011

Real love.

I am so in love.

You would think that by now, after 8 months of dating, I would think this is obvious, but it's not. Really not.

My girlfriend is a very special creature. She is intelligent, creative, generous, kind and beautiful. She is really wonderful to me. And I can't believe how long it took me to really understand that.

See, when I thought a relationship would be good, I thought it would be easy at least most of the time. What I found out lately is that good relationships, truly good ones, are the HARDEST. It's been a really difficult 8 months.

I think I discovered that what kept me bonded to her is the realization that she really, truly, is good for me and loves me in a way that no one else can. I can't discern her by asking "what if?" but I can by asking "why not?" I am a selfish person and have selfish desires for my girlfriend. I want her to talk to me in certain ways and accept all the imperfections I have. But what I really need is to learn to let simple things go and really know that I am loved for who I am AND for who I could be if I could just simply let go of my own desires and appreciate what I have in my girlfriend.

It's a conversion, you see. I wanted to hang on to who I was. But She has given me the realization that I could be someone else who was greater...and she was the key. And not only that, I realized it was actually pretty fun. It was only wearisome because I wished to refuse her. But now I understand her qualities are not only good but endearing her to me. They are what I really want. A sinner loves his vices and hates virtue, while a saint hates his vices and loves virtue. A selfish lover only loves those who please him and hates those who call him to more, while a true lover loves everyone but especially those who call them to become better lovers.

My girlfriend is a true lover, and she's converting me.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for true love.

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