Wednesday, June 29, 2011

On Love and Kindness

Love never fails, but only if you choose the proper kind of love.

What bothers me most about this era of time is that no one knows what love really is. People think that love is kindness - I say it is most certainly NOT. Kindness is only one small part of love. Some love is unkind.

Allow me to demonstrate - suppose you have a child. This child is giving you quite a bit of trouble. He or she has tantrums, makes messes, swears, fights. Being the kind, forgiving person you are, you let them off each time, pardoning them the offense. The child grows up accustomed to being allowed any behavior they wished, and they end up quite friendless, jobless, and even in trouble with the police because of their inability to control themselves.

Consider another scenario. You have the same child...but you are not just kind to them, you love them. So you punish them. Punishments are not kind. But you have thought about their have thought more about them than if you just insisted on being kind to them. In return, they grow up to be a responsible adult. Certainly better off if you had just been kind to them all the time.

Our society says we should accept everyone. What they say is great, but what they mean is not what they're saying. What they're saying is that we should allow anyone and everyone to make whatever mistake they're making for the rest of their life. And we should treat it as good. That is not acceptance. That is hate.

Throw away your so-called "acceptance." Live with integrity. If I am messing up, tell me for my own good! I don't care how I feel about it. Tell me I'm wrong. Tell me to change!

...To change for the better. It's the true kindness. It's the real love.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for true kindness and love.

Monday, June 6, 2011

Rules of engagement.

We've really lost the art of conversation.

Most of my frustrations lately are due to conversation - or rather, lack of it. So I've come up with a list of peeves. It helps me calm down to make lists, you know.

To the person who wishes to talk to me:

1. Turn off your cell phone. Unless you're expecting an important call (and if they text, it means they are either not bright enough to call you for an emergency or it's NOT an emergency). If you're in a group of people and you are on your phone, you are not there. You might as well be halfway across the planet. You are not listening, you are not present.

2. It's not about you. I can't tell you how many times I get in a conversation with a group of people and a certain person likes to "join" the conversation and talks about themselves the whole time, completely hijacking an otherwise great conversation. Not only that, but usually they are a broken record and tell you something they've told you millions of times. Stop trying to be the center of attention.

3. Don't interrupt me. I really don't talk that much but when I do, it's actually something I wish to say. If I have nothing to say, I don't talk. I know you want to tell another story that not even YOU are all that interested in, but I haven't gotten much of a word in, and I have one - just one - thing I would really like to add. So please don't interrupt me.

4. Don't talk about other people. I don't care how much you dislike someone or think they are dumb. I don't want to hear about it. In fact, I might actually like them and start disliking you for how bloated with arrogance you are for trying to put them down.

Thank you.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for a world of true conversation.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011


Goodbyes are definitely the hardest part of any friendship.

I can always feel a hard goodbye coming on. Someone who is dreading a goodbye always starts to remember things out loud. They'll make more of an effort to say hi and spend a few more minutes with you when they might not have. They'll be more generous and all-around friendly, not that they weren't before but it will seem like they are trying to fit in every good thing they can do to their friends because they may not get another chance.

Well, I try to make them feel special. Because really, the greatest fear of anyone saying goodbye is that they will be forgotten. That's what my Mom's greatest fear when she died: that we would forget her. So I make sure they know they won't be forgotten. I try, anyway. Throw a party for them...give them a card. Something.

I like to think I'm good at finding the right things to say to make it better. There is a phrase I like that goes "No two christians say goodbye for the last time." Although, it makes it sound like it supports the "once saved, always saved" fallacy, so most of the time I change it to "No true christians say goodbye for the last time." I try to say some nice things I will always remember about the person and how I will always remember and appreciate them.

The problem is I am usually not the best person to be saying those it always feels pretty empty. I always wish my words were coming out of someone else's mouth, notably one of their closer friends.

But it's always better to at least say something.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream to see you again.