Thursday, November 8, 2012

"Ka is a wheel."

“Ka is a wheel; its one purpose is to turn. The spin of ka always brings us back to the same place, to face and reface our mistakes and defeats until we can learn from them. When we learn from the past, the wheel continues to move forward, towards growth and evolution. When we don’t, the wheel spins backward, and we are given another chance. If once more we squander the opportunity, the wheel continues its rotation towards devolution, or destruction.”

I continue to be amazed by life's circular nature.

Ka, in the quote above, is a word meaning destiny or fate from Stephen King's The Dark Tower, a seven eight book series chronicling the adventures of Roland Deschain, the last and greatest gunslinger, and his quest to find the Dark Tower, save it, siege it, and climb to the top. Roland's world is the Dark Tower is threatened, the fabric of existence is wearing away. Even time itself ceases to work correctly. The demons that have chased Roland his entire life and killed all of his friends are slowly revealed to be the very demons behind the slow demolition of the Dark Tower...which they wish to destroy so that they may rule over the darkness left behind.  Roland - the cold but romantic prodigy and representative of all that is good - frequently must travel beyond the realm of his post-apocalyptic world to others, where his foes follow his fast hands and blazing eyes to their deaths, in order to save his world and all the worlds.

But in the end of the story, Roland's ka...his revealed to be circular. It is his curse. As it is mine.

Well, I'm being dramatic because that's what re-reading The Dark Tower does to me, but really. It seems as though every other year I am undergoing the same trial - but in a different time and with different characters. I get what I always say I want - a chance to do it over again. It's amazing and aggravating all at the same time.

Two years ago I made a mistake that proved to be both wonderful and terrible - and wonderously reversible. For the most part. However, again I am pressed into the same situation at exactly the same season and mode of life. And this time, in the words of Inigo Montoya...I will not fail.

But sometimes, I wonder if how I plan to do things the second (third, fourth, really) time is really the best way after all. What if, indeed, I am only making things worse? How long will the cycle end? But then again, this is the sort of thing that, as a friend pointed out, "you only have to get right once." And that is a comforting thought.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream of linear ka.