Riddles in the dark.

It's been a long and dangerous road these past few weeks.

Finding my own balance in the midst of the tricky social situation around me has been a challenge - one that I feel I've met well (I feel good). What do I mean? Well, I could certainly be wrong, but I feel as though there are quite a few strong emotions one way or another that people are desperately keeping to themselves.

I could be deceiving myself, but I think I have a certain people sense that helps me pick up on less obvious clues that other people miss. And, well...it seems every day I get the feeling that someone has made a slight change in behavior. Sometimes it's something that I'm certain has no significance other than an "off day"...other times, people are just acting plain ODD.

The surest sign that "something is up" with someone is to simply look for a change in behavior that can't be explained away and is persistent. This sort of combination of inductive and deductive reasoning from observing my friends has served me well...just the other day a friend told me I have a habit of being able to tell how he feels even if he's trying to hide it.

So, where is this going, you might ask? I shall tell you. I think it has something to do with the fact that there are very few single men around here, that there are a LOT of single women, and with the fact that there have been a lot of romantic engagements. And the fact that most of my friends these days are girls (I didn't do that on purpose, it just kind of happened). It's just a proposition, I don't really know anything for sure, but from what I do know of how people have been acting, well...I really can't explain such odd behavior away, and this is how the puzzle pieces seem to fit...to me.

Don't worry, I shan't let it go to my head. After all, I really feel like there's only one girl I know who knows the real me, and she's basically next in line to get engaged. Fat chance there. So if I'm right, all it means is that there are a lot of girls who are infatuated with someone who technically doesn't exist (not me).

Like I've said before, I'm really fine where I am. Maybe I'll want to move on and date someday soon, but certainly not for a while. So what is someone like me to do? Hide. HIDE! Or not...after all, that would be acting on a guess. They're just riddles in the dark, and so perhaps I should simply continue acting like I don't know anything...because I really don't.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for truth in the light.

On lukewarmness of faith.

I was once a lukewarm Catholic from a family of lukewarm Catholics.

I really don't care if any of them end up reading this. I just hope it does some good to expose the utter failure in logic, yes, LOGIC, of being culturally Catholic and nothing else.

Our faith cannot be simply something we kinda do sometimes to get holy points and feel like a good person. If Jesus is who he said he is, we must give our whole lives to him! If someone comes and claims they are God and that we must follow him and we say we believe it...then we must become radically devoted to this person and do everything in our power to live a life He would be proud of. And if you asked any lukewarm Catholic, I'm sure they'd nod and say quite softly because you've made them "uncomfortable" that you asked, that they agree that Jesus IS that man.

However, if our faith really is just something we kinda hold true to sometimes and do this whole mass thing that we don't understand or really seem to care about or be all that into, which lukewarm Catholics profess by their actions, then Jesus cannot be God. God is everything. He created everything, He created us, and He calls us to Him. If that's all there is, then Jesus is not God. And if Jesus is not God, there is no God. And that's the conclusion I logically reached, once upon a time. But that's a long story.

I wish the hypocrisy and idiocy of lukewarmness of faith would end. It makes me sick.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for a fiery faith.