Monday, November 28, 2011

What you need to know.

Are you serious men?
Are you serious women?

So, I've been thinking.

An Internet argument and a youtube video have both been getting me thinking about the men vs. women mentality when it comes to relationships. Kinda lame, but I promise I've thought about it a lot before now.

I think it's about time I wrote a blog post explaining my thoughts on some of these men and women issues, instead of just trying to talk about it and getting interrupted by people who are rude when they're upset.

This is what is near and dear to my heart at the moment: interactions between men and women when at least one of them is romantically interested in the other. All that heartbreak, he-said-she-said, flirting stuff.

I'm not the expert, but here is what I've learned on this subject.

Men, here's what you need to know:
  • Yes, I'm going to talk about the friend zone. In my opinion, the friend zone is nothing to be feared. This is going to stink for some guys out there, but some women simply like having a male friend to enjoy and confide in without having to worry about the messiness of being in a relationship with them. It's comforting. That's the way some women are. If you're a nice person, there are going to be lots of women like this. And that's OK! They may not really be right for you, and if they are right for you, you need to trust that they'll see it, too. But worrying about it might end up ruining a friendship that would never be a relationship. I've made that mistake enough to know that some male-female friendships would not work as relationships even if it seems so much like it would.
  • If she's not into you, she's not into you. If you're asking yourself "Does she like me?" a lot, she probably doesn't. If girls like you, they will find a way into your life. You will notice them. Some of them even follow you around, a bit. Some of the more mature ones will be more subtle, but you'll still notice the change in behavior. Unless you're really dense. Chances are, if talking to them is definitely not a one-sided endeavor (they start conversation with you as much as you start conversation with them), and you're not in the friend zone (see above), they might, might like you.
  • In the name of King Elessar II, if a woman hurts your feelings, grow up and move on. Getting angry and blaming women for "making you a jerk" is a sorry excuse for throwing away your manhood. Yes, that's what you're doing if you retaliate in any way other than throwing up your hands and saying "Oh well!" and moving on. You're becoming a little boy. Grow up so the rest of us real men don't look so stupid.
  • May I reiterate - don't get mad and don't push anything. Most women who put men in the friend zone don't know it. And if they do know, they may like this friend so much that they don't know what to do and just want to save the friendship. If you push her, though, she will either break off the friendship, or she will give in and you will end up in a relationship that is doomed to fail.
Women, here's what you need to know:
  • Men aren't complicated. In fact, they're very simple. That's why they confuse you! Because you are such a complicated creature, you expect men to be complicated too...and they're not.
  • Every time you confide in a man emotionally, you are running the risk of sending him the wrong messages. Most men like this and see it as an intentional deepening of the relationship. You, on the other hand, may just really want a friend to talk to. If you are worried about sending a male friend the wrong message, suck it up and be quiet, and wait until you can talk to a girlfriend. Do the right thing for the both of you.
  • Most men aren't impressed with a woman who tries to be what she is not. I find that most often the women who attract lots of men are women who are radically themselves. In my experience men like a "multi-faceted" woman who doesn't have just one side to herself, and is also willing to share them.
  • If he doesn't like you, he'll probably avoid you if you're being aggressive/sending strong messages. Unless you're a friend. Even then, he might still avoid you. If he's brave, maybe he'll tell you...very plainly. Maybe. Hopefully he's not rude, but if he is, he won't be the first.
That's what I know, so far. Others may disagree, but this is the truth as far as I can tell. Hope it helps.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for peace in knowledge of one another.

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