By human standards it would be reasonable to expect me to doubt the world around me.
I suppose I have to talk about my life a bit here. The one person in my family I was closest to died a little over 5 years ago (my mother) and many of the people I've been closest to since then have been more than a little misleading...many of them romantic interests which I've come to realize that it was a blessing things didn't work out.
Regardless, I find it hard to trust God sometimes, even when he's working wonderful things into my life. Sometimes, especially where friendships are concerned, I find it easy to panic just because of a small thing. The tiniest change in behavior for the worst in someone, even something so little as being a tad quieter than normal, can make me nervous. Even one little text message that doesn't receive a response can set me on edge. Did I say something wrong? Did they read it? Did I bother them? I've let the people who have been untrustworthy in my life ruin my trust for God, which is not acceptable...and I think now that I've realized it, I can end it. That's a promise, God!
We all have some growing up to do. I hope it doesn't sound judgmental for me to say some people have a little more growing up to do than others. I'm really bothered by the actions of people around me sometimes. There is a particular person I know who I once had a great deal of admiration for who I no longer have almost any at all. This person has/had the potential to become a beautiful person but now treats me, at least, with a great deal of disrespect. I will always love this particular person, but I no longer like them, and probably never will again.
On a nice note, though, I think the reason I have such low tolerance for their new attitude is because I have met, only a few weeks ago, a group of people whom I have quickly grown to love and admire. They are, quite simply, some of the best people I've ever met! I'm not exactly sure why things have happened the way they have, but I'm glad. So glad. This is all God's doing...everything good is, but in this case it's remarkably apparent. I have no words for how much I love them!
There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that trust given was trust kept.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Friday, November 26, 2010
Why, God...WHY??
Why are you so good to me? :)
To think that only a few weeks ago I was practically wishing for death, and now everything is turning around. And I really don't deserve much. In fact, if you, the reader, knew everything about me, you might say that God has very good reasons to punish me.
But that's not the way God works. Consistently throughout my life, He has worked to bring me back towards Him. He has, time and time again, turned my blunders into blessings. I'm completely in awe at how everything has worked out.
I guess that's really all I have to say today. :)
There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that all could see the wonderful mercy and love of God.
To think that only a few weeks ago I was practically wishing for death, and now everything is turning around. And I really don't deserve much. In fact, if you, the reader, knew everything about me, you might say that God has very good reasons to punish me.
But that's not the way God works. Consistently throughout my life, He has worked to bring me back towards Him. He has, time and time again, turned my blunders into blessings. I'm completely in awe at how everything has worked out.
I guess that's really all I have to say today. :)
There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that all could see the wonderful mercy and love of God.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Secrets.
I am fascinated by silence.
Most of my day today has been filled with silence. My social plans fell through, and so I ended up spending a lot of time alone with a book...I went on a long walk. I even went into church and hung out with Jesus for a while (I intended to go to mass, but it turns out they had adoration and moved it to 7).
Silence often speaks louder than noise, and gets the point across better. When you don't have the distraction of things on the outside whistling for your attention, you can better hear your voice on the inside. You can more easily reflect, stop and think. God finds it easier to talk to you, too.
I'm even more fascinated by silence when it comes to the way people interact. The things we are unwilling to say to one another...the one "secret" that everyone knows but will not discuss. Silence really does speak loudly.
I found out today that most people are oblivious to the observations I make of other people. Sometimes I can tell how people feel about me, or other people, just in the way they walk, the way they look at what's around them, the way they position themselves, their expressions, what they say and how they say it. Sometimes I'll move people like chess pieces into entering a situation or conversation where they will unconsciously reveal something they're thinking, all without them ever knowing it. It's not an exact science, but it works most of the time. Am I manipulative or just clever? Or perhaps you think I'm bullshitting you. I'm not out to convince anyone of anything, so make your choice any way you like!
This sort of thing has come into play in my life recently. I have a group of friends who I am sure all know what I know, but none of us are willing to say anything about it. It truly is for the best, since it just wouldn't be prudent to talk about it at this point, but it still fascinates me how we all hint to each other our knowledge but never quite openly speak about it. It makes me literally giggle sometimes!
There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that silence was given its proper respect.
Most of my day today has been filled with silence. My social plans fell through, and so I ended up spending a lot of time alone with a book...I went on a long walk. I even went into church and hung out with Jesus for a while (I intended to go to mass, but it turns out they had adoration and moved it to 7).
Silence often speaks louder than noise, and gets the point across better. When you don't have the distraction of things on the outside whistling for your attention, you can better hear your voice on the inside. You can more easily reflect, stop and think. God finds it easier to talk to you, too.
I'm even more fascinated by silence when it comes to the way people interact. The things we are unwilling to say to one another...the one "secret" that everyone knows but will not discuss. Silence really does speak loudly.
I found out today that most people are oblivious to the observations I make of other people. Sometimes I can tell how people feel about me, or other people, just in the way they walk, the way they look at what's around them, the way they position themselves, their expressions, what they say and how they say it. Sometimes I'll move people like chess pieces into entering a situation or conversation where they will unconsciously reveal something they're thinking, all without them ever knowing it. It's not an exact science, but it works most of the time. Am I manipulative or just clever? Or perhaps you think I'm bullshitting you. I'm not out to convince anyone of anything, so make your choice any way you like!
This sort of thing has come into play in my life recently. I have a group of friends who I am sure all know what I know, but none of us are willing to say anything about it. It truly is for the best, since it just wouldn't be prudent to talk about it at this point, but it still fascinates me how we all hint to each other our knowledge but never quite openly speak about it. It makes me literally giggle sometimes!
There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that silence was given its proper respect.
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