"Strange...I should feel terrified. But I feel so calm..."
Allow me to go nerd mode for a moment, but I feel like I can apply something from Dragon Ball Z to this blog post. The previous quote is a paraphrase of something the main protagonist from the show, Goku, says before he faces hand-to-hand combat with the then-most-powerful villain in the universe, Frieza, a being as impossibly powerful as he is impossibly evil and ruthless.
Goku is the Christ-like figure of Dragon Ball Z in that even though he is incredibly strong he is humble and never thinks of himself: even when faced with death many times before in the series, he thinks only of how he can save others.
However, even though Goku is shown to be incredibly courageous, the new villain of the show, Frieza, has even the arrogant and foolishly confident character Vegeta losing his will to fight. The bold Vegeta dies in tears. Obviously the author of the story is trying to make the point that Frieza is an entirely different challenge than has been in the show. So when Goku realizes he is the last hope for his friends, and that he will soon face Frieza in a fight to the death, his usual attitude of brave hope is already established as an unlikely reaction for him, even though it would be in character. At this point, those watching expect Goku to be terrified. Yet Goku, standing in the open air before flying off to face the villain, just calmly feels the wind on his face. He feels at ease.
But why? We, the viewer, do not yet know. Not until later, when Goku is revealed to be a legendary warrior called the Super Saiyan, who, when of a calm and pure nature, is suddenly faced with extreme anger and indignation (in Goku's case, witnessing the cruel death of his best friend) transforms into a being far more powerful than Frieza. It turns out that the strength he needed to overcome his enemy was inside him all along. Subconsciously, somehow, he knew he could defeat Frieza, which explains his inner peace, but outside he felt he should be terrified.
His rational mind did not understand what his heart new all along.
And I thank you for allowing for the long diversion I needed to make my point. This is where I feel like I am at. What is going on in my life right now are things that both excite me and make me terrified...some of them overt, some of them covert, and none that I'm going to mention in this blog post, since anyone can read it. I apologize for the cryptic nature, but it's not necessary for me to mention what's going on to explain my feelings, which is the purpose of this blog anyway.
So, with what I'm going through right now, I think I should be terrified, or at least nervous. But in my heart, I feel completely at ease. Right now I don't know why. But I'm waiting...waiting for when I can find out what the "Super Saiyan transformation" of my life will be...
There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that the rational mind would understand what the heart knows.