I am…so very arrogant.
What I mean to say is that I am sorry, both to myself and to others that have spoken to me that I claimed I had done everything there is to do about my situation. There is still hope, and I wish I had the courage to acknowledge it to those who spoke to me – even those who spoke anonymously to me over this blog. In my hurt, I gave myself permission to pridefully proclaim that all other opinions about the situation were null and void, and that my despair was gospel.
Today, I spoke to someone in my profession who is much more experienced than I, and has been very credible to me since the moment I met him…often in a way I couldn't deny, even if I wanted to. This man, a 'mentor' if there ever was one, just speaks to me, and I believe what he says. Today I told him all about what has happened to me over the past several years, and he spoke to me about a philosophy toward my problems so bold and tenacious that I would never have thought of it myself. I can be bold and tenacious if the situation calls for it, but at heart I am cautious, and think first of the cautious approach to situations.
I did not agree to all that he said – not yet, at least – but I did acknowledge that his idea was attractive to me. I told him that his idea was a philosophy "like out of the Far East," a foreign idea coming to those Westerners who thought they knew it all. I did think I knew it all – but clearly I did not.
I have often spoke of characters from stories in this blog. I have readily admitted in one particular blog post that I admire most the characters who never give up, who are bold and tenacious. Like Han Solo, Magus, Vegeta, or William Wallace. I like them because we are so unalike, but they have qualities I wish I had. I told this to my mentor, and he told me that all men wish for such qualities. He is probably right. I am not special in this – but I am special in that I’m willing to try.
I've come too far to do anything else.
There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream full of boldness and tenacity.