My life is hilarious, if you have the kind of sense of humor where sad irony and odd situations are funny.
I suppose I must be going crazy, because I keep losing control of myself. Just in the past few weeks, I did a couple things I really regretted. Nothing permanent, but what I did was either a little mean or insensitive, or just entailed too much information.
I think it may be in part due to loneliness. It seems like most folks are really too busy to hang around with me, which is sad. When I'm really interested in people, they tend to fall off the face of the earth. That's not to say that every once in a while I get to spend good time with people who never fall off the face of the earth, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.
Loneliness sends me into psychosis. Nothing else will drive me more crazy than not being able to talk to people. But it seems like a lot of the time when I talk to people, they don't really seem interested in what I have to say...or for some reason, I clam up and don't talk. Sometimes I feel as though I shouldn't...that listening is more valuable for me than talking and I just better accept it. It may have something to do with being told I share too much a few weeks ago by someone whose opinions I value greatly. At the time it hurt...but later, I wondered.
I'm very tired of women. I admire women greatly, but it seems as though I just have too many lady friends right now. Women are confusing sometimes - Men are blunt and simple, but women are into nuance and ambiguity, it seems. I admit that I can be ambiguous too...often, even...but that doesn't mean I like it.
Yet like a double-edged sword, I don't really have lots of guys to be friends with, and I can't have the same kind of friendship with a guy as I enjoy with the ladies around here. It's hard to describe, but while I have more in common with most guys, I relate better with women. Hmm.
Still, if I were to share everything going on in my life on this blog, it would be too much information and too much conjecture. I am a counselor - I notice things concerning people others miss. Sometimes I don't like it.
Sometimes, I just want to be ignorant of it all.
There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for a sense of sensibility.