Saturday, April 7, 2012

On insincerity.

People need to figure out what a lie is.

A lie is intentionally saying something false. A lie is making promises you can't - or won't - keep. A lie is saying something you don't mean.

I get a lot of lies from people who really mean well. But they're really not doing well at all. Consider someone who says something nice but doesn't mean it at all - where does that leave the person receiving that lie? It is only delaying the day when they finally say "Well, I guess that person never meant what they said at all." Which hurts more than just saying the harsh truth up front.

I can finally admit that I am not well-liked by the majority of people. That's it, that's the bare facts. I hardly care anymore. How do I know this? It comes in actions, not words. At the end of the day, people can say all kinds of nice things to me and having nothing to back it up. I like that they don't want to hurt my feelings by telling me they find me absolutely boring and uninteresting, but if I'm boring and uninteresting, I really don't mind knowing, rather than having to figure it out for myself.

Really, the people who are reading this blog right now hardly need told any of this, and I anticipate that this little rant is going to cost me a sit-down with one of my few true friends. Thank you, but no! You should know I mean none of you. It is the others from whom I hear a lot of nicey-nice talk but demonstrate constantly their insincerity.

I'm a grown man now. I'm really not demonstrating that very well right now, writing a rant on the Internet like a teenager and all, but if people understood this is the only real platform I am allowed unlimited expression of my feelings where they can be "heard" maybe I can be allowed a little indulgence. Still, I am a grown man. I can handle someone telling me they'd rather not be my friend. That doesn't hurt me as much as it hurts to be led to believe I have many friends, when in reality I do not.

I want true friendships, virtuous friendships, sincere and involved friendships. I don't want to hear from people that I am something to them I am not. The reality of that grievous lie comes out the first time I see them again, when people are around and they can't even look me in the eye and say "hello." That doesn't sound like friendship at all to me. Oh no.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for sincerity.

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