Tuesday, July 29, 2014

On taking life seriously.

I think that I do take life seriously.

It may not seem so, though, because I am always trying to make life simpler. I like to make decisions simpler, breaking things down into simpler elements so that no one has to be paralyzed by uncertainty.

There's nothing like the sort of talk I had Sunday to make me doubt myself. It was the "what are your intentions for my daughter" talk. I am becoming more aware that I have grown used to people just trusting me and thinking I'm pretty swell automatically...now, when someone doesn't do so my confidence is easily shattered. I don't like that about me. I am not sure if it's a new life trait or anything but I know it's not good.

Still, I know that I was honest and even if I didn't have nice things to say about myself at times, I had good things to say too and in the end I hope what I seemed to be in the end is someone who takes life seriously but doesn't over-complicate it. I want to be both idealistic and practical, and I don't think those things necessarily need to conflict.

I know that I'm not as good as I should be. I fail at a lot of things and I am lazy. But I am honest and I take into account more things into my decisions than maybe I am given credit for, and I am good at keeping in mind what is really important. As long as I continue to grow and take life seriously, I think I will be OK.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for intentionally growing.

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