Monday, December 20, 2010

A whirlwind in my head.

"It's like a whirlwind in my head...but if I concentrate, I know what people are thinking all over the world. Presidents; diplomats; scientists. I can help them understand each other."

Thus says the immortal Connor Macleod at the end of Highlander. It's a good movie, and for whatever reason, I've always really liked that line from it. Maybe it's because sometimes I, too, feel like there is a whirlwind in my head.

I am not used to my life changing so quickly.  There have been long spaces in my life where my world was relatively the same. I think the longest period may have been elementary school...I can think of only a handful of moments where anything really changed much.

Yet in the past year or so my life has taken a series of rapid changes of direction. From month to month I have been a completely different person. I've really grown up in some ways. Many ways, if I can say so without sounding too arrogant or naive.

With these changes, the people I've spent my time with and how I've spent it has changed as well. Early on, I was only desperate to spend time with anyone doing anything...later, I was looking for people to help me and listen to me. After a few months of advice and self-searching, that was flipped on its head and I desired only to share what I had learned with others as much as I could. And now, something completely different.

It makes me nervous to say something so bold and assuming, but I truly believe I've finally found the sort of friendships that last for a lifetime. This is something I've been looking for all my life, and never really knew it until God brought it to my doorstep. Last night, I spent the evening with some wonderful people sharing a meal, praying, playing a game, and talking. Not to mention sharing thoughts, feelings, and experiences with a beautiful woman. :) This is the sort of thing I want to carry with me for the rest of my life. This is what I know will help bring me to God, this community, these friendships, this relationship.

When I was younger I was bullied a lot. I never had too many friends, and in high school there were a lot of people who liked me, but very few I was close with, and none whom I prayed with on any regular basis. Any connections I built with people were usually skin-deep, the kind of friendships that center around utility - who's fun, who's not. There were moments of real friendship, I'll admit, but they were rare. With a very select few, I believe I built true friendships with, but with many of these friends I find it difficult to stay in touch with and spend time with, and none of them are God-centered friendships. For a while this continued in college, and for some time I even neglected most of my real-world friendships for friendships with people around the world I met online. Sad. But now, everything is different. I'm with people who understand me, who build me up, and who I seek to understand and build up. We shine like Christ for one another, and we love it.

I've had this experience before where I live...the experience that happens when you have God-centered friends who love one another - TRULY love. But for whatever reason it's not always lasted or been quite so strong. I have a feeling that this is different somehow. I can't really explain it, but this is different. It feels favored. I don't know how else to describe it.

It must be a God thing.

There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that all friendships nurtured love like a whirlwind.

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