Rules of engagement.

We've really lost the art of conversation.

Most of my frustrations lately are due to conversation - or rather, lack of it. So I've come up with a list of peeves. It helps me calm down to make lists, you know.

To the person who wishes to talk to me:

1. Turn off your cell phone. Unless you're expecting an important call (and if they text, it means they are either not bright enough to call you for an emergency or it's NOT an emergency). If you're in a group of people and you are on your phone, you are not there. You might as well be halfway across the planet. You are not listening, you are not present.

2. It's not about you. I can't tell you how many times I get in a conversation with a group of people and a certain person likes to "join" the conversation and talks about themselves the whole time, completely hijacking an otherwise great conversation. Not only that, but usually they are a broken record and tell you something they've told you millions of times. Stop trying to be the center of attention.

3. Don't interrupt me. I really don't talk that much but when I do, it's actually something I wish to say. If I have nothing to say, I don't talk. I know you want to tell another story that not even YOU are all that interested in, but I haven't gotten much of a word in, and I have one - just one - thing I would really like to add. So please don't interrupt me.

4. Don't talk about other people. I don't care how much you dislike someone or think they are dumb. I don't want to hear about it. In fact, I might actually like them and start disliking you for how bloated with arrogance you are for trying to put them down.

Thank you.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for a world of true conversation.

The torture of humility...

O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, hear me.

That's the first line of the Litany of Humility, which I've begun to pray daily. It's basically a list of desires and fears that you pray Jesus takes from you to help you be humble. It's torture. Every time I pray it I realize how much I want and fear all of those things, especially these three:

1. "From the desire of being loved, deliver me Jesus.
2. "From the fear of being forgotten, deliver me Jesus.
3. "That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

The reason I've begun to pray this prayer is because my pride has gotten to the point where it hurts me emotionally, constantly. It hurts a lot to always wish people loved me, or loved me as much as they say they do. It hurts to be left out and forgotten. It hurts that others are loved more than I am. If I was just humble, I would almost always be happy. I'm sure of it.


Every time I get on Facebook I see exactly what I fear the most every time. Because of my feelings of isolation, I am addicted to feeling the connection I get over Facebook, but at the same time Facebook feeds my isolation by forcing me to see pictures of friends hanging out together without me, and sending messages to each other about how much they miss each other and want to hang out, while I'm simply forgotten.

If I were only humble, none of this would bother me. So even though it hurts, I HAVE to try. I've never felt the need for God's help so strongly.

There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that I would never be bothered by pride.