The forgotten age of Christendom.

Oh, to live in a non-secular age...

I am increasingly frustrated at the attitude of our world. People have forgotten that for centuries, Christianity (and Catholic Christianity, for that matter, as it was the only Christianity for some time) was the dominant culture of the entire world. Not to say it was dominant in the east, but for the most part, worldwide Christianity was the most powerful driving force in every day life.

However, apparently the past 50 years has undone all of this. People no longer remember an age of Christendom. People act as though Christianity has always been little more than an opinion, a cute emblem of a primitive past. Christianity was once the foundation and saving power of society, intellect, spirituality, and freedom. Those days are, sadly, only a memory. People born in my age have either inherited a crumbling Church that they want so desperately to lift up and bring people into, or have come from families who rejected it long ago...or who are doing so now.

It makes a passionate, fiery young spirit like myself wish that I were a crusader going off to fight a holy battle...NO...NOT LIKE YOUR PROFESSOR TELLS YOU THEY "ACTUALLY WERE..." The Crusades were a rescue mission from Muslim aggression, and only devolved because of the actions of a few without papal permission. Read this article if you're having trouble understanding/believing what I'm saying.

Anyway, I often wish that I could fight a physical battle. It's very hard sometimes being a male and watching what I care about crumble around me. I wish to fight a battle with sweat and blood, not words and prayers.

Yeah, kind of like that! Thanks Aragorn!

I can only imagine the sorts of comments I might get now..."Prayer is a spiritual battle!" "We don't want to hurt people with violence! Jesus said those who live by the sword..." Yada yada. I know this people.

The only way that I can explain this is to simply say that I am the kind of person whom, every once in a while, just wishes to do things concretely and to have excitement and some risk. I am fond of thinking that I would gladly die knowing I actually did some real fighting in an effort to make a difference, than sat idly by while reading story after story of failures of the Church at large to defend society against secularism. If you find yourself thinking any variation of the thoughts in the previous paragraph, just suffice it to say that you just don't understand what I'm talking about.

A nice little way to end this rant, I suppose, is that I know in the end that we will win. The last few verses of the bible quite explicitly say so. I can only hope that somehow I can take part...or something.

Yeah, yeah! I like how you illustrate everything I'm feeling, Aragorn!

Well, reader, I feel I've gotten off track a bit. Please pray for an end to secularism and fight in your everyday words, actions, and expressions of joy in your life in Christ to bring back a Christian culture. Only then can our crumbling world put an end to the increase in suicide, divorce, depression, and of course...sin.

Amen.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream to fight for Christendom.

My agoge.

"At age 7, as is customary in Sparta, the boy was taken from his mother and plunged into a world of violence. Manufactured by 300 years of Spartan warrior society, to create the finest soldiers the world has ever known. The agoge, as it's called, forces the boy to fight."

I feel like I'm going through this in a very spiritual way...my own agoge, at least as depicted in the movie 300.

I feel like I've been left out in the cold in more than just a -5 degrees sort of way like it was this morning. God has really left me to stand on my own two feet. He sure chose a strange time to do it, from my limited perspective.

I'm tired. Just plain tired. Except in rare moments often involving my amazing girlfriend I find it very hard to hold a smile for very long. I'm running out of patience with anyone and everything. I'm hurt by small things. I'm more tempted by things I used to be strong against. I can't do a lot of things right anymore. I'm under attack.

I'm facing a duel to the death with the Deceiver and I'm starting to lose stamina.

If there's one thing I hate since my conversion, it's being a disappointment. I feel more assured with my girlfriend that I'm doing OK with her because of her constant patient reminders, but I still feel that I'm not doing all I can in many other ways. I want to become who I was born to be, but now God has taken off the training wheels and I'm in a wreck. I need to get stronger, I need to persist, I need to fight, I need to win! I can not and will not fail again. To me there is only greatness in the eyes of God or failure.

I take back what I said about God choosing a strange time to do this to me. God knows me well enough to know how I feel about victories. It's the most hopeless fights that are the greatest victories, and the most unexpected victories that are the most glorious. And right now, I feel that I'm fighting a losing battle. If I can just persist long enough, maybe I'll survive my agoge. God has forced me into battle, and that's fine. I'll fight if I have to.

I go in and out of fascination with the movie 300. It's violent and has nudity in it, but sometimes when I remember major themes and amazing lines in the movie I feel differently:

"'Remember us.' As simple an order as a king can give. 'Remember why we died.' For he did not wish tribute, nor song, nor monuments nor poems of war and valor. His wish was simple. 'Remember us,' he said to me. That was his hope, should any free soul come across that place, in all the countless centuries yet to be. May all our voices whisper to you from the ageless stones, 'Go tell the Spartans, passerby, that here by Spartan law, we lie.'"

Christ, our King calls us to die to ourselves, to join in the battle against Satan and give our lives up for his sake. "Remember me," I hear from Calvary. How can I forget His sacrifice?

Here I am, left in spiritual desolation for only a month or so and already I've run out of energy. Well forget it. I'll run on empty for as long as it takes to complete my mission in life. That's the end of it.

There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was for victory in spiritual battle.