Time travel.

I'm obsessed with time travel.

One of my running jokes with a friend is that we're time travelers. Half of my favorite video games, books, and movies involve some form of time travel. I like time travel so much, I'm going to list all the time travelling media I consume in one post by category (since I can't remember them all at once and this is probably the only post where it would be relevant enough to keep track):

[S] = Split Timeline Theory (any changes made in the past create a new timeline based on that change, so that the future can't be changed for the time traveller, only for the inhabitants of the new timeline)
[X] = "It is Fate" (the past can't be changed, any attempt to prevent past events is thwarted somehow)
[B] = Butterfly Effect style time travel (everything in the past effects the future, you can prevent your own birth, etc., opposite of Split Timeline Theory)
[*] = Special Rules Time Travel (time travel is magic, the rules about time travel are very loose or different e.g. in Groundhog Day, the main character relives only one day over and over, or in Radiant Historia, events done in one timeline affect the other in inconsistent ways)

Movies/Shows:
The Butterfly Effect [B]
Groundhog Day [*]
Back to the Future [B]
Dragon Ball Z [S]
Star Trek [B]
Galaxy Quest [B][*]
Lost in Space [B]

Games:
Chrono Trigger [B]
Radiant Historia [S/B][*]
Ocarina of Time [B][*]
Majora's Mask [*]

Books/Comics:
The Time Machine [X]
The Dark Tower [B?][*]
The Adventures of Dr. Mcninja [B]
Restaurant at the End of the Universe [B/*]

That's all I can think of right now...Anyway, there's a point to all this. I'm obsessed with time travel because I think guilt and regret drive a lot of my behavior. I have a tendency to look backwards and want to fix things that can't be fixed. It's just kind of stunning to me to consider how something so simple as a time travel fixation can come from something so complicated as feelings of regret.

Often times, I can think of several points in my life where I know if I had just been a little more patient, or a little more brave, I could have changed someone's life for the better - or my own. It's what makes me so intentional about relationships nowadays. I know I won't get another chance to do things right now. So I make sure people know how I feel. I make sure that every interaction I have with someone is meaningful. I just have to. Or else I'll regret it, because I can't change it. I can't do it again. But with time travel you can...that's what makes me a fan.

I always have to try my best...until I get my own time machine. :)

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream to master time.

Saving the Princess.

For a long time, it always seemed like my princess was in another castle.

Let me take you back to a long time ago. I'm not exactly sure when it began but I was always very fascinated with heroes as a child. I would try to find books where a heroic protagonist could take me far, far away to a magical place where I could watch him save the world...or the universe. Courage, power, wisdom, and tenacity were the only qualities I really valued back then.

It wasn't until my gaming phase came into full swing that I could really lose myself in a hero. I could actually become the hero. It's amazing how wonderful it is sometimes when you are a young boy with low self-esteem to lose grip on reality for a little while and fight monsters, save the princess and the world. I don't really regret all the time I spent...sometimes. I think that all that immersion in other worlds and fantastic heroes really rubbed off on me in a good way.

I think even though until this past year I was always hurt when attempting to court ladies, I think it was better that I had a chivalrous, noble attitude towards it than a chauvinistic, womanizing one. Even without a good relationship with the Lord I still had a strong ideal of what a good, heroic man was and strove for it.

Still, I spent a long time as a loner and as such could be very alone with my thoughts. Because of all the stories I read and the heroes I became in video games I had a very unrealistic hope for my future. This has been somewhat tempered by the past six years of real life slapping me around a bit.

Despite that, what I still really want sometimes is to be a true hero. Not in the simple sense of a role model, or even someone who saves a kid from a burning building...something more like Link.

Link is the main character of a series of video games I've only recently been able to find time to enjoy. Link is a green-clad swordsman who travels across the land of Hyrule fighting incredibly powerful foes and exploring dungeons in search for missing pieces of the puzzle to saving his world. He is often allying with or saving the Princess of Hyrule, Zelda, and must always defeat the evil Ganondorf, a powerful warlock.

The more games in the series you play, the more you come to realize that there are actually many different Links with many different adventures throughout time, as well as many Zeldas and many Ganondorfs. See, in Link's world, there is something called the Triforce, and as the Triforce has been separated, the three parts have cleaved themselves to the hands of those who best embodied the three parts. Zelda has the Triforce of Wisdom on her hand, Ganondorf the Triforce of Power, and Link, the Triforce of Courage. Thus, Link is the living embodiment of Courage. Somehow, whenever Hyrule is in trouble, some incarnation (or reincarnation) of Link is ready to save the day. Link is exactly the sort of hero I like.

Life can become so disappointing when you get a taste of what it would feel like to live as a hero. I have a gift for suspension of disbelief - a suspension that allows me to really feel like I am the one who is really having these incredible adventures...for a little while. I guess it's not always a good thing.

I just wish that I had some kind of outlet for this intense desire to have a grand adventure. In this world there are no quests, only work and play. Sometimes only work.

I am at this point going to anticipate some instruction from my well-intentioned friends/readers. I know that only God can fulfill all of my desires and that heaven is the greatest quest on earth. Thank you (without any sarcasm). However, if you are telling me this in relation to my post, you have entirely missed the essence of what I'm trying to relate.

I'm going to at this point bring this back down to earth a little bit. I suppose the main point of this rather incoherent narrative is that I don't know how to reconcile my lofty aspirations with my easily-earned place in life. I have a great relationship and a good future. I just don't know how to appreciate it...and that makes me feel selfish.

I just wish I could make my own life more exciting somehow.

There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was for adventure.