A whirlwind in my head part two.

Title is in reference to this post.

"It's like a whirlwind in my head...but if I concentrate, I know what people are thinking all over the world. Presidents; diplomats; scientists. I can help them understand each other." - Highlander

"Do you remember when 21 years was old?" - Phoenix, Countdown

The last time I titled a post like this, a lot of things were changing at once in my life. It was like a whirlwind in my head...and it's happening again. In a very similar way.

I'm amazed at how I can finally plant both feet firmly on the ground only to have God knock me off of them. In a good way, of course. Lots of really good things are happening. Jobs are still an uncertainty, but I'm not worried. I think I know what to do.

I am feeling a little old. Yesterday, I happened to walk in on an engagement party. I had no idea these two were getting engaged...scratch that, I knew they would get engaged but I had no idea it would happen this soon. I wasn't really ready. I remember when they were just arriving to college...little more than children to my eyes. They are still really only children to my eyes. And now, they are going to get married. It's stunning. And here I was, off at a bar having a couple drinks with a friend. Life is leaving me behind.

But the good news is that the life that has left me behind is no longer relevant. No offense to those that this comment applies to, but I think the generation of people I poured my soul into the past five and a half years have turned out not to be the people who would remain in my life. It's the younger people who I never planned to meet (hey, until I applied to grad school I was planning graduating and planning to move away) that have turned out to be the ones that have really been reliable. "So much of life has left me and gone on ahead, but what was behind me this whole time has been better than I could have imagined." There are some really special people I would have missed if I had continued to spend all my energy on the people who continue to move on and away from me. I'm not trying anymore - it's just not worth it. God put new people in my life and the old have been swept away. That's OK.

I am continuing to take my own advice and just doing the good that comes to me and trusting in God to take care of everything else. I am really not at all sure where I am going anymore. I am not sure where I stand with my friends, especially one special friend in particular, and quite frankly I don't think it matters that I know. Good things will come to me in time and I will know, I will know what to do when it arrives.

This whirlwind is a good one, I can feel it.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for the wind at my back.

Riddles in the dark.

It's been a long and dangerous road these past few weeks.

Finding my own balance in the midst of the tricky social situation around me has been a challenge - one that I feel I've met well (I feel good). What do I mean? Well, I could certainly be wrong, but I feel as though there are quite a few strong emotions one way or another that people are desperately keeping to themselves.

I could be deceiving myself, but I think I have a certain people sense that helps me pick up on less obvious clues that other people miss. And, well...it seems every day I get the feeling that someone has made a slight change in behavior. Sometimes it's something that I'm certain has no significance other than an "off day"...other times, people are just acting plain ODD.

The surest sign that "something is up" with someone is to simply look for a change in behavior that can't be explained away and is persistent. This sort of combination of inductive and deductive reasoning from observing my friends has served me well...just the other day a friend told me I have a habit of being able to tell how he feels even if he's trying to hide it.

So, where is this going, you might ask? I shall tell you. I think it has something to do with the fact that there are very few single men around here, that there are a LOT of single women, and with the fact that there have been a lot of romantic engagements. And the fact that most of my friends these days are girls (I didn't do that on purpose, it just kind of happened). It's just a proposition, I don't really know anything for sure, but from what I do know of how people have been acting, well...I really can't explain such odd behavior away, and this is how the puzzle pieces seem to fit...to me.

Don't worry, I shan't let it go to my head. After all, I really feel like there's only one girl I know who knows the real me, and she's basically next in line to get engaged. Fat chance there. So if I'm right, all it means is that there are a lot of girls who are infatuated with someone who technically doesn't exist (not me).

Like I've said before, I'm really fine where I am. Maybe I'll want to move on and date someday soon, but certainly not for a while. So what is someone like me to do? Hide. HIDE! Or not...after all, that would be acting on a guess. They're just riddles in the dark, and so perhaps I should simply continue acting like I don't know anything...because I really don't.

There was a dream that I dreamed, a dream for truth in the light.