Love game of heart and pain.

"What's this phony ceremony hanging around? We got to...get down! Lock it out from this shaky ground! Come on and spit it out, your hearty party, mood everywhere. Let's see you people laughing, people punching out in the air!"

I feel like I lost my positive outlook for a while there. It's scary to see how I'm changing, sometimes. The one thing I miss about my old self is that I never stayed down for long. Now I get pushed down and stay down until I feel like I've fixed it.

"Get down to the hip hop a bee bop a loo a...You hear the sound it's all coming to ya! I wanna get ya! I wanna tease ya! I'm gonna get this beat to hit ya! Get down to big time illusion, life or the rest. Come on and tough it! Jump it! Funk that feeling! Give all your best!"

I also seem to be becoming a perfectionist. I used to feel that as long as I did my best I didn't care what the outcome was. In many ways that was bad, but in some it's a major detriment when even when you do your best you still don't get the outcome you wished for, and you end up with a lot of regret for something you had no power over.

"Come on and drive on drive on drive on into night...You got that burning power, midnight hour, flashing your light...It's just a love game of heart and pain that we're going out. That's what the twenty first century is all about!"

I'm not down and out, yet, dear reader. This love game of heart and pain called life hasn't defeated me by any means. This is simply a hiccup, and I think the feelings I expressed in my last post were exaggerated by my exasperation with the spiritual desolation I've been feeling. I'm determined to keep my head up. It's not over yet.

"Get down to the hip hop a bee bop a loo a...You hear the sound it's all coming to ya! I wanna get ya! I wanna tease ya! I'm gonna get this beat to hit ya! Get down to big time illusion, step into time...Come on and rock it sock it, just jump on it, LIVE IS DIVINE!"

There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was for a positive outlook forever.


http://chrono.ytmnd.com/

Empathy, and other tales...

I can tell when someone's upset.

It doesn't have to be very obvious...once you've experienced enough of misery, you know what it looks like. Last night, there were quite a few upset people around me. I wanted to comfort all of them, that's just the way I am, but the most I could do was make one of them smile and laugh a little. It felt really good to do that...I'm still not sure what they were upset about, or if they knew that I knew they were upset (I never gave a reason for my sudden attention) but having that empathy and trying to cheer them up was awesome.

Also, I think my week long happy-spree might be over. That might be the reason I've not posted that much lately...I was just feeling too good to sit down and write properly. But since last night I feel like I've been shifting back into my usual mode of melancholy. But the difference this time is that I'm prepared. :) Now that I've recognized that these mood swings are not rational as I have previously thought, that they are merely an illusion, I can do something about it. I can ignore it...not let it rule me. I can act happy even though I don't really feel all that happy, and who knows? Maybe there will be a fake-it-'til-you-make-it effect: If I just act like I'm happy, eventually I will be!

In that case, I can't wait to be happy again...

There was a dream that I dreamed, and that dream was that joy would be more contagious...